Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
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You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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