his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
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So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
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Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize