Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
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Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
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Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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