It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
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The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
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were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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