lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
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we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
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If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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