If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
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He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize