I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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