so explain again why im purple
no
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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