i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize