I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
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