i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
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It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
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Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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