remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
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End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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