Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
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I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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