you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
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I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
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I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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