i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
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Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
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If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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