Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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