So drunk its hurt
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
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You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
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Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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