I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
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I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
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Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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