I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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