I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize