Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
