i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
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The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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