I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
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We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
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If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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