Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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