i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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