who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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