I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize