these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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