my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
a search helicopter?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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