You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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