too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
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I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
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We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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