Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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