Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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