Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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