she woke up with a sticky ear
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
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You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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