I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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