Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize