The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
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the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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