I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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