my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize