What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
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I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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