Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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