i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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