I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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