I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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