I just made out with a guy for $7.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
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If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
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Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize