Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize