after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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