Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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