What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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